Understanding Grace

Grace is difficult for me to grasp. 

I understand ‘grace’ in the Biblical sense—we have been given favor and forgiveness from our sins, because of God’s sacrifice and his mercy towards us. 

However, when ‘real’ life comes in to play, it is difficult for me to grasp the concept of grace. Specifically, it’s difficult for me to show myself grace.

I like rules. Let me candid—I love rules. Rules bring balance and structure to my life. I was typically a teacher’s pet, because I enjoyed school. I did my homework and classwork, because I liked to learn. It just so happened I also liked praise from adults. Is it my fault these activities went hand in hand? I still enjoy ticking things off of my to-do list and I enjoy praise from others when I finish a project at work. 

What I didn’t realize until I was an adult was somewhere along the line I became my own worst critic. I would internally criticize myself if I didn’t complete a personal or work goal. If I only completed three things off of my long personal to-do list, I would chastise myself, “Come on Caroline. You’re better than this. Why didn’t you do the whole list?” 

When I slept in after a long week instead of getting up and going to the gym, I would beat myself up. “You’re so lazy. You worked all week and you can’t even get up on a Saturday morning?” 

I thought setting high standards for myself was necessary. In reality, the standards or rules, I set up to bring balance to my life actually weighed me down. The personal goals and check lists I thought helped me be a better person, helped motivate me to exercise more, do more, be better actually crushed my spirit. The rules I set up to bring me freedom brought destruction. 

Living a life of grace is hard. It’s hard, because it causes you to get rid of your own rules that make you feel safe. Rules or standards that make you feel like you’ve accomplished something or that you are worth something. 

Setting goals and having rules are not wrong; however, when you start to find your identity in your rules that’s when you need a heart check. When your rules become idols is when you need to step back and ask Jesus to give you a clear and intense dose of the Gospel. 

The Gospel is the truth that seeps deep in to your heart and redefines everything about you. 

When you are faced with the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are challenged to let go of your own rules that make you feel safe and embrace a Savior who literally saves you from yourself. 

The thing about letting go of rules and accepting grace is it’s scary. For me rules are comfortable. If I give control over to God I’m scared I will somehow loose myself. What if I give him too much or not enough? 

When God is in control and when we rest in His grace we are safe. When God holds our hearts we cannot be destroyed. We may bend or even crack, but we are eternally safe in Jesus Christ, because we have an eternal hope in him. 

When you start to hand over the rules of your life to Jesus something begins to grow inside your spirit. When you begin to believe you are enough, because of what Jesus did for you and not because of your own efforts, hope is planted in your soul. 

The thing about hope is it’s like a seed that grips your heart and once it’s planted it grows…it spreads and it blocks all other weeds. It ruins you. It infects you. It spreads and leaves you breathless. 

Copyright © 2016 Caroline Damron. All rights reserved.